We are in a strange place at the mo.

I was at yoga tonight and when I was supposed to be not thinking I was trying to put my finger on this feeling I have (yes I sometimes think when I not supposed to be thinking at yoga a) it’s quiet there and my life is not b) otherwise I might fall asleep c) my brain is fairly busy which is why I got to yoga in the first place). I was pondering if writing it out might help me sort it, and I chatted with Wendy, my lovely instructor for 10+ years and she said “betwixt and between”. Ya. That. T-minus 4 weeks before the big move and one of those weeks will be in Annapolis as we move 80% of our gear down there then back home for the kids to finish school before we split for realz. And I feel caught in the in-between…wanting to get going and not feeling ready to go…ending lots of things but not yet beginning the new things…packed but still here. It’s a bit unsettling.

Four weeks is NOT A LONG TIME. We have a to-do list but it’s not that long now and the items aren’t super urgent or at least don’t feel that way (ummm we can sort out home insurance later right?!?!) and yet I feel a little spazzy in my head. Usually when I feel spazzy in my head a list really helps…so we have lists, and they help…yet this feeling remains. “What should I be doing? It’s a big change, a big move, surely there is something profound I should be doing?”

Greg is sewing at 10:30 at night while I write this. He’s almost done his chaps project for the dingy and will post about it soon (he’s doing such a freakin’ amazing job…that engineer focus he has is legit). So I think he is less drift-y than I am but I know he still feels it. Once he’s done that project I think he’ll join me in the “shouldn’t I be doing something profound?” space. Unless there are any boaters out there that need dingy chaps…he’ll take orders and stay busy ;)

Looking at the list, most of the stuff now falls under the get-to-know-the-boat category, as-in we can’t really do it effectively until we are living aboard…and that list is long for sure: determine how many solar panels to buy and concurrently design a system for our monohull without a solar arch for them; swap out all the old-school, energy sucking halogen lights for LEDs, remove some ancient weather fax and sat phone, get our Iridium Go , Predict Wind and Garmin InReach subscriptions and the not-so-small task of making our boat super connected and awesome in the internet tech department (Greg’s list); establishing storage systems for the boat and then building detailed diagrams and labels so everyone knows where to find and PUT AWAY everything (my list); probably update the inverter….and so on. Oh ya and of course practice practice practice taking the damn big boat in and out of the marina under power so we can get the feel of it (hello BOW THRUSTERS!). And become pros at anchoring with our new Spade. And determine how long of a button push is just long enough for the hydraulic furlers but not too long.

Last night and tonight we packed up the linens…I know, profound right? It doesn’t get much more meaningful than cleaning out your linen closet. Ditching your nasty pillows that have been collected over the years (like seriously wtf), packing up some stuff to take with us (how many blankets do you need when 90% of your time will be super hot weather? 4 was my answer), leaving some of the sheet sets all nicely labelled with the new renters, or putting the baby quilts and gramdma’s crocheted blankets in storage.

I mean, the end result, like my closet, was pretty gratifying. And it’s a job that had to be done. But it didn’t feel like another step toward the goal…felt more like running on a treadmill. It’s productive but feels like going nowhere.

P.S. I really really hate running.

Time to make another list and try not to watch the countdown clock…

M