March 19, 2020: Day 1 of Extreme Harris Social Distancing Boat Life

Ok Aden’s birthday was a huge success and it fortunately coincided with having to up our social distancing game. For the record, on her birthday we stayed away from people fairly well (I mistakenly shook a hand but then sanitized both her and I after and said we shouldn’t have done that and we took a mutual step back). We took Aden horseback riding at Rainforest Riding which is owned by Valerie from…wait for it…WEST LORNE ONTARIO! Ok for those not from the middle of nowhere southwestern Ontario who are frantically opening Google Maps to know where the f*ck West Lorne is I’ll save you the trouble. It’s in the middle of nowhere southwestern Ontario and pretty darn close to where Greg and I grew up…middle of nowhere adjacent, Tillsonburg Ontario. Seriously. We played against her high school’s basketball team (West Elgin, and they were usually pretty good…we were better of course…but still). The farm was a nice 20 min walk from the dingy dock and we saw zero people on the way…off to a good start. 

So ya after vibing with Valerie and checking out the bazillion baby goats, rabbits, puppies and whatnot on her farm we saddled up and went for a lovely 2 hour trail ride along the beach which included bareback riding in the actual GD ocean!! I will say this: it looks much cooler than it feels. What does it feel like you ask? It feels like having your lady parts invaded by a very hard and bony horse spine…my wonderful yoga instructor (Wendy I miss you!) used to call them “your sitting bones”…well my sitting bones and that horse’s spine were not friends…not friends at all. But it did look cool and it was a very neat (if not tippy and painful) experience to take the horses in the water. 

Human sitting bones + horse spine = ouch. Human sitting bones + saddle = less ouch.

Valerie kept her horses in very very good condition…University of Guelph vet-program grad! You could tell she loved them…even though times are tough for her on the island which depends on cruises and ferries (now stopped thanks to he-who-must-not-be-named…yes COVID is a dude in my mind). The best part about island horseback riding is that they are more relaxed too…the people, not the horses…but not dangerously so. They know where the dangers lie and focus on that rather than suck all the fun out of riding. As such, Aden (freshly 9 year old Aden) got to control her own horse without a lead most of the time…she had not ever done that on a trail (only in the area during lessons) and she was SO excited that the horse was doing what she ‘told it to’…she got to ride my horse on the way back that was much taller (still a bit small, about 15 hands…island horses are usually small) and I rode her tiny, slightly bitchy horse back which made it even more fun for her. I was also pleased I remembered what the eff to do on a horse and didn’t have any embarrassing moments of rebellion. 

When we returned to the farm with sore “sitting bones” we played with the baby goats and puppies a bit more and then walked to a beach bar that had 2 or 3 patrons…we all sat far away from each other and fatigue set in…kids were soooo tired. But Aden was determined to execute the rest of her bday plans so I had to buck up and prepare mentally for what remained: spa-day on the boat, make a special dinner and cake and watch a movie. Did I mention it was now 3:00pm? 

So we get back to the boat and I quickly (but thoroughly) set up the “Serenity Spa” and role play Miss Margaret the owner of the fine establishment and engage Miss Harris in some small talk while offering her tea, cucumbers for her eyes and give her a manicure and pedicure…with polish for the first time in her life. Cucumbers were removed and a face mask was applied (received from Santa on Christmas) and she enjoyed herself so much while her nails dried. Nailed it. (get it?)

Miss Margaret works for tips. The tips come in the form of hugs and kisses…adequate I guess ;P

Ok next step was special dinner - thank f*ck she requested homemade tomato soup because a) it’s fast and b) it’s pantry food and c) it’s delicious. So I banged that out while our friends on a neighbouring boat (Harry and Darlynne on SV Bliss) offered to make her cake with the kids and Greg over there…Greg ‘helped’ by drinking beer and creaming butter for the icing ;P The cake turned out truly amazing…the icing was perfection and timing as well…they dinghied over with the cake just as the soup was finished and we ate like pantry-kings while watching How To Train Your Dragon 3. 

Now that is a boat cake!!! Harry and Darlynne (and a side of Greg) and all the kids made this moment so special for her. Cutting onions over here…

Alas this post was meant to be about the day AFTER her birthday…but I bet you can guess what we did on Day 1 of Intense Social Distancing / Isolation? Yes. We cleaned up the boat, ate left over cake, watched a few eps of The Office (not really kid appropriate - I talk loudly over the sex jokes and the kids get all confused…Mom of the YEAR :P). We put the kids to bed early and I tried to read for more than 5 minutes but my e-reader slipped out of my hand and hit my face as I passed out. 

Much love to you all…so much love. Hold each other close…ok no don’t do that. Hold each other figuratively close but stay 3-6 feet away at all times.